Throwback Thursday: The Mighty Ducks

 

Let me start by saying that "The Mighty Ducks" is probably the most influential and moving film of our generation! That being said, what the hell is Emilio Estevez wearing? Really? A denim collared shirt and khaki pants? You could have at least worn a belt! No wonder Charlie Sheen is doing so much better than you!


What I really enjoy is the fact the kids are all supposed to be pressing their faces against the glass and making funny faces. Too bad that's the fakest looking glass effect I've ever seen. Haven't these people ever heard of Photoshop? They had to of in order to do those shitty effects on the kids faces to make them all look like deformed pig monsters!


Luckily this film is also available on LaserDisc so there's that!


And now for a special treat, here's the Canadian version of the poster!!!!! fdjafhadsjlfhaslhflad!!!!!

Wait a minute! Emilio wasn't holding that hockey stick before! What the hell's going on? I'm guessing the marketers wanted to make absolutely sure Canadian moviegoers knew this film was about hockey so they added the stick. They also added the quote at the top about "Going into Overtime" which just further supports my claim. I guess the real question is "Is that really even Emilio Estevez's hand?" The world may never know!

Arthur!

I have to admit I was a little disappointed when I found out this wasn't a live action version of "Arthur the Anteater" but I'll still hold on to the hope that one day my dream will become a reality!

One thing I noticed right away is that this poster has 2 taglines! I'm guessing what had happened was there was a fight between two execs as to what the tagline should be and they couldn't decide so they just put both.

The first: "Meet the world's ONLY loveable billionaire." will make people say "Hey, all the billionaires I know are a-holes. I'd wouldn't mind paying 15 dollars at the Arclight to see a story about a "loveable" one!"

The second: "No Work. All Play." makes people say "I hate work but I love play. If this film is only about play then count me in!"

If Arthur is such a billionaire then why does he have the shittiest toys in the world! I mean, if I was that rich I wouldn't have little robots, I'd have life size ones that danced and told jokes. I would also have a dinosaur that I'd ride around the town. Add giant robots and a ride-able T-rex and I'll be first in line to see this film!

Waiting For Forever!

I haven't seen any trailers for this movie at all. However, this poster is plastered on pretty much every bus stop in LA, which makes no sense because homeless people don't  even go to the movies!

Speaking of homeless people... Nice outfit Tom Sturridge! Just because you own two plaid shirts doesn't mean you have to wear them both on the same day. Or is that your "Courtin' a lady" motif? He also seems to be wearing "the one ring" from "Lord of the Rings" to try and trick common nerds like me into seeing this movie. No dice! Put a hobbit on the poster and we'll talk but until then you'll be "WAITING FOR FOREVER" for me to come see this movie. (See what I did there? Yeah, I put the name of the movie into my closing statement! Tits!)

Big Mommas:Like Father, Like Son!

Momma's got Back-up! Get it? It's a reference to the hip hop hit "Baby Got Back" and it also alludes to the fact that Big Momma is secretly a cop, with back-up! It's nice to see that Tyler Perry has allowed for a black movie to come out that he had nothing to do with.

Matthew McConaughey Can't Stand Up By Himself!

Apparently this is really old but this is a lot easier than posting a new hilarious poster. Why does MM always have to lean on somebody? Is it because he "leans" on other actors and actresses in real life to make his movies less terrible? Well, it doesn't work. And what the hell is "Surfer, Dude?" Did Matthew put all those animals in the tree himself? Of course not. At least he's wearing a shirt in most of these!

The King's Speech!

Apparently this movie was really good. How do I know? Because it won a bunch of awards and anything that wins awards must be good. Problem is, Colin Firth doesn't look like a king at all! Where's his god damned crown?! Kings wear crowns, robes, and have at least one magical sword handy at all times. This guy just looks like some tool on his way to a job interview at an investment firm! The queen (also no crown) looks like she's about to whisper in his ear, "You better not fuck this up!"And Geoffrey Rush is staring at him with that creepy glare! What does he know about teaching people not to stutter? He's a freaking Pirate!

The Green Hornet!

I think the word bubbles ahead say it all but let me just tell you, I saw this movie and it was actually pretty good. Judging from this poster you'd have no idea that this is  a comedy action film. Maybe they're just embarrassed of Seth Rogen?